Isn't it funny how once you know how people really feel about you, about your circumstances, your whole perspective changes on so many levels.
Yesterday, when I shared my last baby appointment update of this pregnancy via a social networking page, I also shared the fact that I was going to have to be induced. My statement also included how things do not go well for me with inductions. Unless you were there, in the room, for either one of them I've had to go through you really have NO idea. You also do not understand that I can be pretty much guaranteed this induction will follow a similar path to the other two, as circumstances are similar.
So, I suppose I am not allowed to feel a little disappointed and a tad frustrated. No, really what it comes down to is that I should not share those feelings. Which is why for the most part I never do. Judgement comes quickly when a person is walking with a struggle. Not enough grace these days, especially by those who should know how to give it the most.
I have learned a lesson....lots of people only want to hear the good stuff. They can't just come and walk beside you to encourage you, it has to come with a price.
I heard things like "Remember that I chose this.""Remember how badly you wanted this?" "Look at the blessing you will have at the end." Really? I was just sharing the last part of my pregnancy journey and how I wasn't thrilled with the induction part. I didn't think I had people looking at me like I somehow almost deserved this. I guess I must apologize if my life has ever been a reflection of begging the Lord for a child, all while being ungrateful for the ones I have. Or coming across as anything but blessed (in countless ways over my life). I have never claimed to be perfect, man my flaws are sometimes so consuming I have to walk away from myself and cling to the promise I have in Jesus of being washed white as snow. I would not want to see what I would be apart from Him.....ugly.
If you have read my blog, or are in my 'circle' of 'friends' on facebook I certainly hope you have been able to see right through me and know who I am. Know WHO I believe in. Know WHAT I stand for. That you see someone who is doing what everyone else is doing.....this thing called life. It's hard and messy, disappointments occur, hurts happen. BUT there is so much more....hope, joy, answers to prayer, contentment, grace, peace, love. Most of the time I really try to live my life in that aspect and I apologize for being honest about the times when life is not that way.
Life is all about the destination, but it is a journey along the way. To those who have really taken the time to care about our family, to show our family love and grace, to walk along side of us during the joyous times as well as the not so beautiful moments please know we love you deeply and appreciate you so much!!
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