Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Test Of My Hope

Ever since we lost our baby, I have felt an extreme test of my faith. Bigger than any test I've ever faced....and I have faced HUGE tests over the course of the last several years. If any of you who read my blog go to Wellspring you may have heard PG's sermon on being sifted. Specifically, he asked if Satan still has access to God. The answer to that is yes. Pastor Gary also talked about how if you are growing in Christ that you are going to be sifted.  Let me just say there is some serious sifting going on within me. (This is an incredibly amazing, GOOD thing!)  Thank you Lord for sifting me!!!!

Here I am, 6 weeks after my D & C...still having complications that I just do not understand. I am overwhelmed with uncertainty, frustration, weariness. I want so much to be hopeful and trust fully in my creator that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord.  This morning as I was doing my devotions I had a moment of doubt.... that my faith is not deep enough to see God's power in my circumstances.

Then, as if God picked out the verse himself for me to read this morning:

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. ~Psalm 42:5-6~

I then read the exact same verse in Psalm 42: 11 and Psalm 43: 5! At the same time as I was reading, I was listening to my latest favorite song that talks about having hope in the Lord all the day long. Not being shaken by drought or storm. Waiting on the Lord because He is my refuge. Can you guess what happened next?  Yup....tears. Tears of thankfulness for God's gentle voice whispering to me.

Satan wants to steal my hope. Satan wants to steal my faith. Satan wants to steal my joy. He wants me to FAIL. THE. TEST.

Well, sorry to disappoint you Satan, but my hope, faith, and joy is found, and will always be found in Christ my Savior. I may doubt because I am created imperfect, but you will never win.  Ever!

I have absolutely NO doubts that God is going to heal what needs to be healed and do something amazing in our lives.
Ephesians 3:20
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

1 comment:

Nancy and Phil said...

God bless you Jenni, in a way you never expected.