Graduation Day

I have been in physical therapy since mid November and tonight I "graduated" (mostly because my prescription ran out).  I exceeded my therapists expectations. When I started upon assessment I had absolutely ZERO core muscles and I couldn't even do a sit and reach sit-up. Tonight upon assessment {and after a million crunches} I can do a full sit-up with my hands behind my head. I can also do full side planks {I could only do them with my knees bent before}. I can hold a front plank for over 60 seconds {only could do it for 10 seconds when I started}. The BIGGEST gain though is that I actually have been able to run, not fast, but I ran 1.5 miles without debilitating hip pain.

So, now it's up to me as I have no one to be accountable to, except myself. I need to keep doing my core strength building and my resistance bands for my hip strengthening, pretty much indefinitely.   It is a true struggle to actually make the time for myself and my exercises, my personal self is ALWAYS at the bottom of the list of my million daily tasks to get done, and my princess 13 month old who takes up any and all "extra" of me. By the time I have, more like if I have 30-60 minutes I'm so exhausted I can hardly walk down the stairs to work out!

It's amazing the things you take for granted in life, like exercising without being in constant pain. Or even just being able to exercise in general....my will to do it is there~it's my ability that's lacking!! I can sit around and blame my shallow hip sockets, or my dislocated hips at birth, or the fact that how they corrected them as told by my orthopedic Doctor has been proven not to work {nice to know that NOW}. Or, I can do what he told me to do~get those muscles, ligaments, tendons strengthened to hold my hip joint in the socket so I can run~~and hopefully prevent a hip replacement surgery for many, many years. It's nice to hear an orthopedic Doctor tell you that running has been very good for you and that we were created to run.

I HAVE to do this now, for me.........WHY is it so hard to get this through my head??

It's A Season, Not A Merry-Go-Round

By now I really shouldn't be surprised all that the Lord knows, sees and understands what is in depths of my heart. Many times I feel like my head is just a bunch of jumbled thoughts, unspoken prayers, unseen moments unknown to anyone around. 

Tomorrow I (thankfully) have an appointment with my physical therapist (again). Last year I had to do therapy for hip bursitis~not fun! I had just completed the therapy and had begun to run when I became pregnant,  followed 7 weeks later by our 2nd miscarriage. (During those weeks I did very little running.) About the time I picked it back up again, we learned once again we were pregnant and I did no running for the 10 weeks I was pregnant, plus a few weeks additional recovery after we miscarried that pregnancy as well.

So, about half-way through the Summer I finally was able to pick it back up again, and did fairly well until about early Fall. Long story short, I then learned I had to have my gallbladder out and really did not do much running until about a month ago. That's when I began to notice the wonderful ache in my hamstring. I thought it would go away, I prayed it would go away, but it's not and so I think I need to get myself evaluated and hopefully get back to being pain free.

I told Chad today that sometimes (Please read what I wrote... I said sometimes, not all the time.) I feel my life is the same 'ole story, especially the last few years. Clouded by shadows of multiple miscarriages,issues with my body making it difficult to do the things that I love. His reply: I know how you feel, but at least we get to go on this merry-go-round together! I just cannot imagine going on the carousel ride of life with any other man. Next to the good Lord holding me steady, Chad is right there as well, making sure I don't fall off the horse!!! =)

Shortly after Chad and I had that little exchange I received the devotional I posted below in my inbox. Coincidence~~I don't think so!! I had just read the verse that is shared from Jeremiah this morning in my devotional time. I just sat at the counter crying and shaking my head, in amazement and thanksgiving. Life is more about seasons, than merry-go-rounds! I needed that change of perspective today!

I am grateful this day for the ways God communicates with me. How He is intimately aware of what is going on in my life. How He pours out His love and grace in such beautiful ways. I am also thankful for the people that He has placed in my path during my 'seasons'.  People with knowledge to help and encourage me when I need it. I am praying for wisdom for my therapist, patience for me, and ultimately healing so I can get back to worshipping along the road.

Giving thanks even in this season of life...

 

For A Season

Wisdom Hunters Devotional

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Most everything in life is for a season. Jobs are for a season. Relationships are for a season. Hobbies are for a season. Homes are for a season. Small children and teenagers are for a season. Grandchildren are for a season. Youth is for a season. Economic upturns and downturns are for a season. Family vacations are for a season. Formal education is for a season. Income generating years are for a season. Good health is for a season. Life on earth is for a season.

Perhaps you find yourself in a season within a season. You are eager to move on to a new stage of life, but the Lord still has lessons for you to learn before you transition. Or, you may not want to let go of where you are for fear of what lies ahead in the next chapter of your life. Either way, Jesus will show you the right way, and He will walk with you through the process. So, enjoy this season (do not wish it away), slow down, engage with God and all He wants you to experience.

Even the stork in the sky knows her appointed seasons, and the dove, the swift and the thrush observe the time of their migration. But my people do not know the requirements of the Lord. Jeremiah 8:7

What does the Lord require of you in this season? You have an 18 year span of time for your child to be under your roof and under your direct influence and authority. Now is the time to travel less at work or not at all, so you can be all there for your son or daughter. Moreover, it is stressful as a mom to give 24/7 emotionally, physically and spiritually. But, your sacrificial love carries Christ’s love into the life of your child. Yes, the intensity of parenting is for a season.

Is it time to let go of your role at work? It may be better stewardship for a leader with a different gift mix to be responsible. Don’t wear out your welcome. It's better to transition out on friendly terms than to be forced out in resentment. The peak of your performance is the best time to prepare for a new season of service. Wisdom watches for the winds of change and rides them on the wings of faith. Hold this season with an open hand and your next season will be significant!

Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. Daniel 2:20-21

Prayer: Heavenly Father, give me the patience to enjoy You and others in this season of waiting.

Wisdom watches for the winds of change and rides them on the wings of faith.

Busted Heart

The first time I heard this song last week I was hooked right from the title.  Busted heart?  Yup, been there. Still there. Will be there again many times as I live my life out on earth, caught up in God's saving grace. I think that many people think Christians live in this bubble where life is perfect, and when it's not we certainly never dare admit it!!  We most certainly better never admit to struggling, questioning, doubting. Being angry, hurt, admitting that we are selfish and flawed.  That we struggle with the enemy every single day.

God's grace is so much bigger than all of that.  ALL. OF. IT.

The Greatness of God is so much bigger than All. Of. Me.

Today was just a weird day. I know I haven't shared many specific details of how things have been since the loss of our baby this Summer.  My body just is having a very hard time healing and getting regulated. There are several issues that are ongoing and the days are beginning to get long.  Of all things I had to go in to the Doctors office for a pregnancy test today. While I knew it would be negative I must admit I did, for a brief moment (ok...several moments) entertain the idea that maybe...just maybe it would be positive?  And wouldn't that be just like God to do something that incredibly huge in my life, because right now I sincerely doubt if we will ever be blessed with another pregnancy. Sometimes my hope just gets lost in all the stuff that cannot seem to be resolved.  Of course Satan saw it as another opportunity to get right into my head, planting thoughts that don't belong there.  Lies. Telling me that I did not deserve to have another baby because I wasn't a good parent to the 5 I already have.  Amazing how sneaky He can be. What he uses and who to try to break me. 

I know that I need to be conformed by God's will and not have my will conform to what I want God to do with my life. If His will is to leave me in this season of being unhealed then I will remain here, because it is for a purpose.  If His will is to leave my womb empty then I will still praise Him for the incredibly good things He has given.   Am I praying differently and believing that He will rescue me, of course!  Will I still struggle and cry, and at times be unsure of the path He's paved before me~you bet.  But I will take my busted heart and still give Him all the glory.

He is worthy, I am not.  Yet he gave His most precious gift~the blood of Jesus so that I may live this life with Him. 

So, in a nutshell that is where I am and what I am struggling with. If you would like to uplift me in prayer that would be awesome!! I have several Doctor's appointments coming up in the next few weeks and hopefully we can get things turned around! Also, I didn't mention this but I am having some physical issues with my hips and am pretty much unable to run. (That is just another thing the devil is using to keep me away from God.) So, if you could pray about that too and hopefully my physical therapy exercises I was given a few years ago will start helping.  Otherwise that will be another appointment to add to the list!!




For King & Country - Busted Heart (Hold On To Me)

Winter has come back again
Feels like the season won't end
My faith is dying tonight
And I won't try to pretend

I've got it all figured out
I don't have any doubts
I've got a busted heart
I need You now
Yeah, I need You now

(Chorus)

Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

I am the wandering son
Your love is never enough
I keep chasing the wind
Instead of chasing Your love

I'm screaming out Your name
Don't let me fall on my face
I've got a busted heart
I'm in need of a change
I'm desperate for grace

Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

Broke Your heart a thousand times
But You've never left my side
You have always been here for me

You never let me go
You never let me go
Don't ever let me go

Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me
Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

Until it comes to an end
Soon this season will end
I'll surrender tonight
You meet me right where I am

What A Promise!

Fail Us Not

Failure doesn’t phase You, worry doesn’t win,
Loss doesn’t leave You afraid to start again,
Our sin doesn’t shock You,
Our shame doesn’t shame You at all

Mistakes do not move You, terror doesn’t tame,
Death doesn’t doom You to life in the grave,
Our suffering doesn’t scare You,
Our secrets won’t surprise You at all

There is nothing above You,
There is nothing beyond You,
There is nothing that You can’t do…
There is no one beside You,
There is no one that’s like You,
There is nothing that You can’t do…

Whatever will come, we’ll rise above,
You fail us not, You fail us not,
No matter the war, our hope is secure,
You fail us not, You fail us not,

You fail us not…

Hatred doesn’t hide You, evil doesn’t ail,
Despair can’t disguise You and tell You that You’ve failed,
Our doubt doesn’t daunt You,
Our darkness won’t defeat You at all

You’re bigger than the battle,
You are bigger than the battle
You are bigger than the battle has ever been

Single Digit Sunday Run

It was in the single digits (the coldest I've ever run in) yesterday when I headed out for my run, so I decided to bundle up in mittens I don't normally wear. (I am a glove person when running.) I am sure I looked like a dork but hey at least my fingers were nice and toasty.  It was absolutely beautiful outside. The sun shining on God's glorious frozen creation.  I just took my time on the ice and snow packed roads and soaked it all in.

My other favorite fashion accessory this Winter has been my yaktrax.  These things are amazing and allow me the ability to get outside for my runs rather than the treadmill. I am thankful that if absolutely necessary I can get on my treadmill for a run, but I would rather head outside any day in almost any kind of weather.

1,000 miles

These shoes traveled almost 1,000 miles on runs I took over the past year. (For anyone that's a runner reading this, yes I know I'm supposed to replace shoes every 500 miles. They cost so much!!) That is a crazy amount of pavement, gravel, grass, snow, ice, and puddles that my feet have traversed.

It is also a lot of time that I have been able to spend praying, worshipping and listening to God. Running for me is so much more than the exercise. That is really just a bonus to why I love to run (because then I can have that bowl of ice cream and not feel overly guilty!!)  When I head out the door, it's just the road, God, my music and me.  

I would have to say that over this past year one of my favorite songs to listen to while running was Our God by Chris Tomlin. I normally don't sing out loud when running, but I am quite sure on several occasions you could hear me singing this one.

For Christmas I got his new CD with this version and I LOVE it.