'Yes...another gasp...I just did say that'

I can only wonder what people think when they read my blog. Behind the scenes of what you do not see is 'real life'. Often times I would love to write about the hard, painful places of life with a teenager, or a preschooler and all the ages in between. I would love to write about how sometimes I just wonder where in the world God went (I know....take a deep breath, I do have moments like that). I wonder if it is okay to have hope, even in contentment. I wonder what it's really like to dare to believe that God really knows, sees and loves my heart. 'Cause sometimes quite frankly, I do not even like it a whole lot, let alone love it.

After a few slightly, painful, hard, difficult weeks where everything about me was tested and tried in one way or another I have learned a few things.  God still loves me when I'm angry at Him. (Yes...another gasp...I just did say that.) God is still there, when I'm stuck in a murky mud puddle. He is in the Bible verse that even though I didn't feel like reading, I read anyway. He is in the song that pops into my head out of nowhere, even when I did not feel like singing. He is in the sky, filled with clouds except for one little hole where a ray of sunlight shines through. God is there when every.single.friend.person.disappears. When I think I've completely gone down a dead-end road, God puts a u-turn sign at the end to remind me where I need to go back to.

But then the stalkers come out....the people who I think are 'friends' but really seem to only be one if my life, or my opinion(s) fit(s) right in with theirs. Or, they think my life, is nothing but a joke. That I am just some spoiled stay-at-home Mom. Or, I am a religious nut (newsflash...I am a JESUS FREAK!!)  I know, I should not really care but it's hard not to when their words, actions, lack of words, lack of actions impact my life. So, I tend not to share too much.

So, you can 'stalk' my blog, my facebook page, my life. I do not have life figured out, nobody does. I think that should be a disclaimer on my blog....read at your own risk. I come with faults, issues, drama, but I also come with a hope, a promise, a story. And if I can impact along the way, one life with  anything I write, share, or how I live out my life it is worth it.