Thursday, October 4, 2012

Too Beautiful For Earth

In October 1988, Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  "When a child loses a parents, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes."

Baby #6 ~ Due January 19, 2012
I was blessed to carry you for 8 weeks, or 56 days
You were about 1.6cm long and weighed 1 gram
You had eyes, I wonder what color they would have been. 
Your brain was growing rapidly and nerve cells were beginning to
branch out and connect with one another.
The tiny tip of your nose was beginning to develop.
Your hands were flexed at the wrist and met over your heart
You had knees~ever so tiny and your legs may have already been long
enough to meet in front of your body.
Baby #7~Due September 15, 2012
I was blessed to carry you for 7 weeks, or 49 days
You grew during this week from 4-5mm to 1/2"!
You weigh as much as an eyelash and
are about the size of a blueberry.
You have elbow joints!!
The arm buds that grew last week now take on
the shape of paddles.
Your heart is divided into right and left chambers
Your appendix and pancreas begin to develop.
Baby #8~Due January 30, 2013
I was blessed to carry you for 9 weeks 6 days, or 69 days
From your ultrasound measurement you were an inch long.
You probably weighed 0.7 ounces.
Your fingers were completely separated and would have had the
beginnings of tiny fingernails. 
Your toes were forming and ears were beginning to develop.
You can move
Your beautiful heart was beating away on that ultrasound screen
the day I got to have a 'sneak peek' of you.
It was a miraculous, beautiful,
answer to prayer, joyous thing.
I was pregnant 3 different times, 25 weeks out of 52 this past year. That's 175 days out of 366 (leap year). I would not trade those days, give back those moments, choose to not get pregnant. I would do it all over again...and again...and again.  God is a sovereign God~nothing I own is mine. He is in control over all my life~including what is hidden in the secret place of my womb.  I cannot take anything to Heaven with me that is on this earth....except the souls of man.  If God so ordains that He needs a soul to be conceived in order for it to enter the Kingdom....and my uterus is the place to have it happen, then who am I to say no. 
If God has brought something into my life so heart wrenching as this, to only use it to bring Him glory, then so be it.  I will say Lord, have your way with me.  All of me. I trust in your ultimate plan for each of my days. For all my moments Lord, the incredible times and the times when I feel like I cannot catch my breath. I am not my own....thank you for the gift of life Lord. I do not understand why I've had to walk down this road along with so many others. You see my tears but at the same time you see how it's pushed me into you.  I never want to be out of your grasp.....kiss our babies for us....until we meet one day in the sky you will always be carried in my heart.

1 comment:

Dawn said...

Beautifully said my dear you and ALL of your children.