Saturday, February 16, 2013

'Yes...another gasp...I just did say that'

I can only wonder what people think when they read my blog. Behind the scenes of what you do not see is 'real life'. Often times I would love to write about the hard, painful places of life with a teenager, or a preschooler and all the ages in between. I would love to write about how sometimes I just wonder where in the world God went (I know....take a deep breath, I do have moments like that). I wonder if it is okay to have hope, even in contentment. I wonder what it's really like to dare to believe that God really knows, sees and loves my heart. 'Cause sometimes quite frankly, I do not even like it a whole lot, let alone love it.

After a few slightly, painful, hard, difficult weeks where everything about me was tested and tried in one way or another I have learned a few things.  God still loves me when I'm angry at Him. (Yes...another gasp...I just did say that.) God is still there, when I'm stuck in a murky mud puddle. He is in the Bible verse that even though I didn't feel like reading, I read anyway. He is in the song that pops into my head out of nowhere, even when I did not feel like singing. He is in the sky, filled with clouds except for one little hole where a ray of sunlight shines through. God is there when every.single.friend.person.disappears. When I think I've completely gone down a dead-end road, God puts a u-turn sign at the end to remind me where I need to go back to.

But then the stalkers come out....the people who I think are 'friends' but really seem to only be one if my life, or my opinion(s) fit(s) right in with theirs. Or, they think my life, is nothing but a joke. That I am just some spoiled stay-at-home Mom. Or, I am a religious nut (newsflash...I am a JESUS FREAK!!)  I know, I should not really care but it's hard not to when their words, actions, lack of words, lack of actions impact my life. So, I tend not to share too much.

So, you can 'stalk' my blog, my facebook page, my life. I do not have life figured out, nobody does. I think that should be a disclaimer on my blog....read at your own risk. I come with faults, issues, drama, but I also come with a hope, a promise, a story. And if I can impact along the way, one life with  anything I write, share, or how I live out my life it is worth it. 

1 comment:

Nancy and Phil said...

I will stalk you, Jesus Freak, simply because of that!!! You love, encourage, accept with amazing grace. OK, so you are flawed, as are all the rest of us, but saved by the grace of God through the blood of our precious Savior Jesus. It's simple...you share your joys and sorrows, triumphs and failures...and I am inspired!! So keep on pouring out..it's like honey on a hot biscuit..warm and sweet. Love you.