I cannot believe I am almost half way through this pregnancy. I had a Doctor's appointment this afternoon and everything looks great. Heart rate was in the 150's and I measure exactly where I should be for almost 20 weeks.
This pregnancy definitely has been probably one of the hardest for me. Not necessarily the physical part (although I was by far the sickest I have ever been with this one). More so it is the emotional part. Having gone through three miscarriages I keep waiting for something to go wrong, instead of rejoicing in each day that things go right.
It's stealing some of the joy out of being pregnant. It's stealing part of the excitement that I have known so many times. I look at the second-hand stores and garage sales for the baby items we are going to need (which seems to be a growing list) and the maternity clothes I will have to have but I just feel so odd actually even purchasing these items.
I think because I have been in a pattern of not being able to stay pregnant I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I actually still am. (I know that sounds really, really weird!) I told my Doctor today it's like I need to pinch myself, over and over to make myself believe that I am indeed still pregnant.
We are ALL looking forward to a new son or daughter, brother or sister in this house. Every time the boys see their baby cousins that is ALL they talk about...that pretty soon we will get to have that in our house. (I'll have to remind them of that when all the baby does is cry!!) =)
My focus needs to shift, back to the place where HOPE lives. The Lord has been so good to us thus far and our trust has always been, and always will be in Him.
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