What's Been Happening

Wow, I have fallen off of the blog bandwagon!! I actually love writing/sharing but honestly barely have enough energy these days to check/reply to emails, toss in a load of laundry, or pack lunches!! The reason behind this current lack of energy could have a little lot to do with this:

Due January 6, 2014!!!! THANK YOU LORD!



A few people have been praying for me, even before this pregnancy was announced. I did not think anyone was around enough to care what was going on in my life, let alone be praying for me and my family. To the one person who did care enough to ask what was going on in our little world (and you know who you are) I cannot thank you enough for caring so much about me and knowing me so very well that you asked, and were okay to let me share my journey with you. I love you more than words in a blog post could ever say. To the few of you who were prayer warriors behind the scenes, unknown, THANK YOU!!!

I could share all the things that have led up to this moment, but honestly after the comment was made by a facebook 'friend' on a previous blog post last Fall about me having a 'baby addiction' and relating me to 'octomom', I felt my blog was no longer a safe place for me to share anything about the road I was walking.

 I think the following excerpt from a book I'm reading could not say what I am feeling any better:

When you live by faith, it often feels like you are risking your reputation. You're not. You're risking God's reputation. It's not your faith that is on the line. It's His faithfulness. Why? Because God is the one who made the promise, and He is the only one who can keep it. The battle doesn't belong to you; it belongs to God. And because the battle doesn't belong to you, neither does the glory. God answers prayer to bring glory to His name, the name that is above all names. {Mark Batterson The Circle Maker}

This baby has been circled in prayer long before the pregnancy test showed positive. God is indeed good and has blessed us with another precious new life. Please continue to pray for this pregnancy, I have made it past the time that two of the previous three miscarriages occurred. Please pray baby continues to grow, so far he/she has been growing well. Measuring exactly where he/she should be for gestational age. I have seen the beautiful heart beating away three different times now!! Last week I was blessed to hear it....178 beats per minute.  =)  Such a beautiful sound.

Through The Door

We are cleaning house!!  Garage sale time means pack up and move out all the things we no longer use or will have use for. It means clearing off some shelves, bringing out stuff that's been in the attic that can serve a purpose in someone else's family. Of course, bringing in a little extra cash isn't a bad thing either!

It also means reliving lots of memories as we unpack clothes to sell, baby items no longer needed. As I poured over all of the maternity clothes, baby clothes, baby necessities, then onto the 'big boy' clothes, movies, games, toys. I don't think I've ever shed so many tears setting up for a garage sale!

I just had to stop and look around...

I had to stop and reflect on how thankful I am for *this* life, *this* day, *these* precious moments and beautiful memories God has given to me. I cannot find words to express how thankful I am to the good Lord for a full life. A good life. An abundant life.

So, instead of feeling like my memories and hope are filtering out through the garage door over the next few days, I am going to be thankful knowing that they are becoming someone else's hopes and memories.

 

Are You Cozy?

We are in a fight. A fight for our freedoms. A fight to stand up and speak the truth. Why is it so hard?  Maybe it's because we want to look good to the masses, instead of towing the line with the few. Maybe it's because we don't know how to speak in love, or listen in love. People butt heads about what the Bible says. Is it relevant to today's world? Does the word of God change because times change?

I the Lord do not change. Malachi 3:6

 

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever. Isaiah 40:8  

 

  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

 

 

I think what has changed is us, our hearts. Our minds shape what we want to see and feel.

 

We twist religion to make it a comfortable fit. We don't like it when the Pastor says something that makes us squirm in our chairs. (Note: most likely it's the Holy Spirit convicting you!) (By the way, if you're not convicted in your Church...maybe you need to find a new one?) We take bits and pieces to make us feel good and leave it at that. We don't like it when we're confronted with the very ugly truth that we sin....and many times don't mind doing so! We write it off, act like it's no big deal and when we say our 30 second prayers at night we ask forgiveness. Then we wake up and repeat the cycle.   

 

But God gives us a way to change, through His son. You cannot be bought with the blood of a Risen Saviour and not change from the inside out.

 

I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 11:19

 

It is a choice. You must pick the road you're going to travel during this life.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:13-14

God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. It is such a HUGE concept for me to grasp sometimes, yet as I pour over God's word, as I pray and cry out to Him, I find He is nothing but constant amazement and wonder. Constant grace, peace, hope and love. Most of all He is constant forgiveness.

I really wonder what would happen....what kind of a revolution this world could have....if we just opened our eyes and listened to the unchanging voice of truth.....if we stepped out of our cozy little box.....if we stood for....

The One Who Gave It All...

I Don't Want To Go

You changed my world
When You came to me
You drove a passion
In my soul down deep
Lord, to follow You in everything

CHORUS:
I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie
And I don't want to walk that road
Be a million miles from home
'Cause my heart needs to be where You are
So I don't want to go

So come whatever
I'll stick with You
I'll walk, You'll lead me
Call me crazy or a fool
For forever I promise you that...

CHORUS

Without Your touch
Without Your love
Filling me like an ocean
For Your grace is enough
Enough for me
To never want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there

CHORUS

It's A Season, Not A Merry-Go-Round

By now I really shouldn't be surprised all that the Lord knows, sees and understands what is in depths of my heart. Many times I feel like my head is just a bunch of jumbled thoughts, unspoken prayers, unseen moments unknown to anyone around. 

Tomorrow I (thankfully) have an appointment with my physical therapist (again). Last year I had to do therapy for hip bursitis~not fun! I had just completed the therapy and had begun to run when I became pregnant,  followed 7 weeks later by our 2nd miscarriage. (During those weeks I did very little running.) About the time I picked it back up again, we learned once again we were pregnant and I did no running for the 10 weeks I was pregnant, plus a few weeks additional recovery after we miscarried that pregnancy as well.

So, about half-way through the Summer I finally was able to pick it back up again, and did fairly well until about early Fall. Long story short, I then learned I had to have my gallbladder out and really did not do much running until about a month ago. That's when I began to notice the wonderful ache in my hamstring. I thought it would go away, I prayed it would go away, but it's not and so I think I need to get myself evaluated and hopefully get back to being pain free.

I told Chad today that sometimes (Please read what I wrote... I said sometimes, not all the time.) I feel my life is the same 'ole story, especially the last few years. Clouded by shadows of multiple miscarriages,issues with my body making it difficult to do the things that I love. His reply: I know how you feel, but at least we get to go on this merry-go-round together! I just cannot imagine going on the carousel ride of life with any other man. Next to the good Lord holding me steady, Chad is right there as well, making sure I don't fall off the horse!!! =)

Shortly after Chad and I had that little exchange I received the devotional I posted below in my inbox. Coincidence~~I don't think so!! I had just read the verse that is shared from Jeremiah this morning in my devotional time. I just sat at the counter crying and shaking my head, in amazement and thanksgiving. Life is more about seasons, than merry-go-rounds! I needed that change of perspective today!

I am grateful this day for the ways God communicates with me. How He is intimately aware of what is going on in my life. How He pours out His love and grace in such beautiful ways. I am also thankful for the people that He has placed in my path during my 'seasons'.  People with knowledge to help and encourage me when I need it. I am praying for wisdom for my therapist, patience for me, and ultimately healing so I can get back to worshipping along the road.

Giving thanks even in this season of life...

 

For A Season

Wisdom Hunters Devotional

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Most everything in life is for a season. Jobs are for a season. Relationships are for a season. Hobbies are for a season. Homes are for a season. Small children and teenagers are for a season. Grandchildren are for a season. Youth is for a season. Economic upturns and downturns are for a season. Family vacations are for a season. Formal education is for a season. Income generating years are for a season. Good health is for a season. Life on earth is for a season.

Perhaps you find yourself in a season within a season. You are eager to move on to a new stage of life, but the Lord still has lessons for you to learn before you transition. Or, you may not want to let go of where you are for fear of what lies ahead in the next chapter of your life. Either way, Jesus will show you the right way, and He will walk with you through the process. So, enjoy this season (do not wish it away), slow down, engage with God and all He wants you to experience.

Even the stork in the sky knows her appointed seasons, and the dove, the swift and the thrush observe the time of their migration. But my people do not know the requirements of the Lord. Jeremiah 8:7

What does the Lord require of you in this season? You have an 18 year span of time for your child to be under your roof and under your direct influence and authority. Now is the time to travel less at work or not at all, so you can be all there for your son or daughter. Moreover, it is stressful as a mom to give 24/7 emotionally, physically and spiritually. But, your sacrificial love carries Christ’s love into the life of your child. Yes, the intensity of parenting is for a season.

Is it time to let go of your role at work? It may be better stewardship for a leader with a different gift mix to be responsible. Don’t wear out your welcome. It's better to transition out on friendly terms than to be forced out in resentment. The peak of your performance is the best time to prepare for a new season of service. Wisdom watches for the winds of change and rides them on the wings of faith. Hold this season with an open hand and your next season will be significant!

Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. Daniel 2:20-21

Prayer: Heavenly Father, give me the patience to enjoy You and others in this season of waiting.

Wisdom watches for the winds of change and rides them on the wings of faith.

A Year Ago

I have had a complaining spirit lately, and even though I know I should be focused on the dozens hundreds of things I have to be joyful about and thankful for, I keep complaining about.....the ugly, cold, bitter, windy, miserable, freezing, snowy March weather pattern we're stuck in. Of course it doesn't help that all 3 of the local news stations can't quit reminding all of us what the weather was like a year ago. Every day, every newscast, they just keep bringing it up!!! Newsflash....last year was in no way normal (although it was enjoyed by me immensely until I had to pay for it literally at the grocery store last Fall). Really, you can stop reminding us all....and making us feel bad! (Okay, maybe just making me feel bad.)

I have to suck it up and face the music....we're stuck in a cold pattern. It's Michigan~hello??!! If I remember correctly this is not that out of the norm for our squirrely weather patterns.


Last year on this day we were enjoying this:

Dinner this year would have been a little cold out on the snow covered deck, not to mention the patio furniture is still tucked away in the shed.

Spring will show up eventually and when it does I do not think I will be seeing the inside of my house a whole lot!  So I guess I better continue to get my indoor projects done so once the nice weather comes I can head out to get my hands dirty in the landscape!  We are SO ready for it, but will continue to wait with the rest of the Michiganders who wonder if it will ever happen.

Seriously....I Have Got To Change.....

Okay, I do not know what it is but I have gained a little too much baggage these past few months. That silly scale just keeps inching upward. I seriously thought something had to be really wrong with the thing, even Chad mentioned how wrong it must be.  So, I got out the 'ole 5lb bag of flour and put it on it last night.  CRAZY......um, it is weighing exactly right!!??!!  How can that be, because I SWEAR the number I keep seeing flash in that lovely red color IS NOT really what I weigh....is it??

I know that my metabolism or something (hormones) has changed. I am cold all the time. Extremely tired (afternoon is really bad), and the weight....my goodness!  I even had my Doctor run blood work to check for a nutrient deficiency and a thyroid level.  Of course, everything came back normal. I've been logging my fitness routines and what I eat at this nifty little site called myfitnesspal. I could only help but chuckle a little then today, when I actually had the T.V. turned to the Dr. Oz show and caught some some very interesting information, that just may have a little, a BIG reason behind my battle. Yes, I do not believe in coincidences...not even when it comes to an episode of Dr. Oz! =)

Now, while I believe that what I learned on the Dr. Oz show definitely has something to do with my struggle I also know input versus output is crucial. How many calories am I taking in, versus how many am I putting out? DUH! I know this, and yet I LOVE my kitchen cupboards too much lately.

So, while I think I need to address the hormone issue, I also need to enact some 'rules for Jenni to live by'. I know I'm on the verge of the next decade of my life, but I also know that the scale has been the same weight since I can remember (except of course when I was pregnant).  I also see that if I do not take a serious hold of this issue now, I could be in a heap of trouble down the road. I'd much rather work off the little I want to now, then the LOTS later.

So, these are going inside my head:

~Choose wisely, really look at the calorie count and ask is this something I will regret in the not so distant future. (Like 5 minutes after I swallow it!) I have been really good at making impulse choices at times, instead of stopping to think about it. Some of the time I do great, then I just throw all those moments away....and regret it later.

~Know my weak times....afternoon is AWFUL. I get SO CRAZY HUNGRY.  And, let me just say I do not crave carrots, lettuce or apples.....in the afternoon when my raging hunger monster appears.  Really what I want is chocolate, chips, cookies, did I mention chocolate and chips?! ;-)  That is time time I need to train my body to crave a piece of fruit or yogurt. Even if it is a piece of paper plastered on the pantry door that says 'YOU HAVE THE CHOICE'....to remind me that a moment on the lips usually sticks like glue to my hips!!

~STOP taking a piece, or several two off of the kiddos plates while preparing their lunch. I don't even pay attention to how many times I've done this. I probably could have a whole meal counted for by the time I am ready to make my own lunch. Although this is not an every meal occurrence it definitely happens more often than not.

~Set reachable goals! While I'd love to get rid of 10 pounds (and I believe I can) I need to set smaller goals. 5 pounds is a much more attainable number to reach in the short term, and that will set the fire for the other 5 to be shed!! I am stubborn. I know what the scale has shown me for years, and I know I can see that number again. Not skinny, just healthy and feeling good about an 'average' number.

~Exercise each and every day. I bought a stepper, I have a couple of workout DVDs and I LOVE to run!!! I really do enjoy exercising. It's good for as much my body, as my soul! I need to make time each day to do something!

~Drink more H2O....The other day on a local Noon news they interviewed a trainer about the amount of water we should consume each day.  Get this....for a woman it's 72 ounces!!! Add in more if you consistently exercise.  THAT friends is waaaay more water than I drink probably in 3 or 4 days. I usually have coffee in the morning, which yes has some water but also acts a a diuretic. Then maybe another 8-10 oz. the rest of the day.

~Realize that every day I make choices that can have a positive reflection or a negative outcome. I can be burdened by my failures or be proud of my successes. I can do this! But I also know that if I have a bad day....tomorrow is a new one! (I just cannot have too many of those.)

So....now that I've gone 'public' on my blog, I guess I have people that will be watching and waiting to see if I can hold to my goals. This is one time in my life where my stubbornness just might be a good thing!!

Here.We.Go.