Sunday, July 4, 2010

Let Go and Let God

"If it isn't broken, don't fix it". So, what do you do when something is broken, you've tried to 'fix' it but it just isn't working? A friendship that has been such a big part of my life is broken, to be quite honest it's dead. Over the past many months I have just kept putting my blinders on. Day after day I would keep telling myself that "they're just really busy right now". "They will call to get together" but no phone call has come. I have tried to 'fix' things but apparently my 'repairs' are futile.

I don't know why it is so hard for me to let it go. Maybe because I went through one of the deepest, darkest times in my life with these people and I thought they were really some of the best friends I could have ever been blessed to have. Maybe because they have been a part of my life for so long. First as amazing friends doing things together with just us adults, and then adding all of our children into the mix. Maybe it is because I need them, and want them to be a part of my life but they're not interested and I just have such a hard time believing we're done.

The signs have been there for a long time, I have just been unwilling to admit to them.  To realize I am no longer a part their lives, no longer needed as a friend breaks my heart. I will just be a causal acquaintance saying a sweet 'hello' as we pass in the halls at school, or in the aisles of a neighborhood store.

I don't know what God's plan is for the future but I need to give the control up to Him now. I realize the joy has been in the journey shared with these wonderful people over these past many, many years. To know that loving is Never for nothing. I need to rest assured that I love them, I was blessed to have them be a part of my life and the life of my family. I won't ever give up on them, but I will let go and let God because I think that is the only way my heart will heal.

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