You Never Let Go

Seeds

Today when I was mowing the yard I had to go empty the grass in the field behind our house. This is also the place in the Fall, when we are trimming plants and cleaning out the garden that the 'stuff' all gets dumped.  Today I noticed mixed in with the weeds were several plants growing that must have sprouted from the seeds of all the junk I dumped back there last Fall.

Funny how I just threw all the stuff there and never, ever gave it another thought until today. Why would I, they're dead right?  I've done nothing to cultivate those plants and they have only been watered by God's rain. Yet, there they were growing as strong as ever, some even getting blossoms on them and will probably produce flowers or vegetables.

I had to smile and think how God uses us to plant seeds in people's lives. We 'scatter' seeds by the things we do for one another, by the things we say to one another, by displaying the love of Christ each and every day. The seed you sow into another human heart may change their life. God may take that seed and then use it in a way you will never even be aware of.

It is my heartfelt prayer that the seeds I scatter will have an impact on those around me and God will use me to change the world for Him. 

The Pregnancy That Will Never End

3 + weeks after my D & C, 6 + weeks after we lost the baby I am still having complications from my miscarriage/surgery. My body still thinks I'm pregnant. I still have the HCG hormone floating around in my blood....obviously in much, much smaller amounts then if I were still pregnant. Nonetheless, I have to go back in for another blood test on Friday to see where the levels are at. Please pray that they will come down and that they continue to level out to zero, I really do not want to have to undergo another D & C.

I also have another medical test I need to get done but cannot proceed with that until this issue has been resolved.

It has been an extremely hard few months but I am still clinging to God's hope and HIS timing in all things. Thank you so much for your prayers!!!

Sunglasses, Sweat and What They Hide

Tears....they hide tears.  Did you know that it was possible to actually weep when running?  I didn't either~that is until tonight.

From the first line of the song, the lump formed in my throat and I knew it was all over. So many people need your healing Lord, so many and in so many ways.

By your grace I stand Lord, praying that the healing that is in your hand will be poured out upon the people that I love.

Healing~From the Passion Awakening CD

No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know
Could keep us from Your love
No sickness, no secret, no chain is strong enough
To keep us from Your love
To keep us from Your love

How high, how wide
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, how strong,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands


Our present, our future, our past is in Your hands
We're covered by Your blood
We're covered by Your blood

How high, how wide
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, how strong
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands

In all things, we know that.
We are more than conquerors.
You keep us by your love.
You keep us by your love.

How high, how wide

No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, how strong,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands.

Ludington Summer 2011 Memories

Click 'play' to see pictures from our most recent camping trip. 

This was a fun and very busy vacation. 

While it was nice to get away,

 I was ready to get home again.  Guess my heart just wasn't totally in 'vacation mode'.

 Of course when we got home I was ready to turn around and go back!!  =)

How Amazed I Am

Last night while I was running this song came on my mp3 player...and I continued to hit 'repeat' over and over for the next 4 miles.  =)  Oh God I am so completely amazed by you, in so many ways over the years of my life.  Walking in the deepest valleys or the highest mountaintops~Lord you have completely overwhelmed my heart.

Your glory fills the sky

A great and holy light

Shining like a million stars

I'm amazed by who you are

Lord, we lift you high

Oh God be magnified

You have overwhelmed my heart

I'm amazed by who you are.

Remind Me Who I Am

I'm the one you love.....that will be enough.  I belong to you.

Update

Well, it has been over a week since we found out we lost our precious baby and I had to undergo a D&C. There have been good days and some really hard days over this past week.  Because I have not ever experienced a miscarriage before I am walking through new territory. My emotions are all over the place both because I'm grieving but also because I still have pregnancy hormones flowing through my body.  Those little buggers could be around for weeks yet.

I have had some complications after my surgery.  Leave it to me to be a complicated patient!! All you have to do is read Caleb's birth story to know I just don't do things easy.  Right now I am praying that God will bless my body with healing so that I can keep taking baby steps forward and moving along down the path God has layed out for me.

Thank you for continued prayers!!!

Continuing to trust Him!!!

Hard Day

Today was absolutely awful. I was so, so sad.  Overwhelmed with grief. Every time I turned around this morning I couldn't stop crying.  Adding insult to injury I am having some issues with recovery not going as well as it should. 

I tell you for as strong as I am in my faith and I KNOW God has this all under control...Satan is fighting me every single step.  Guess he just does not get it~he will not win. 

Back in January I posted this song and said singing Hallelujah is a choice. No matter what Lord, I can and I will sing Hallelujah.  I want to run down the road with my arms raised to Jesus singing the words "and though it seems hard, I'm still trusting you Lord".  Thank you Lord for your grace, pouring over me in the middle of my grief. I love you more than anything in life!

5 Years Ago

How much we miss you Dad and Grandpa! We cannot believe that it was 5 years ago your battle with cancer ended and God ushered you into His Kingdom.

I still remember leaving the hospital after Dad passed away, getting into my van, turning it on and this song was playing on the radio:



God you are an AMAZING God!!!!  Even in the very moment of our deepest grief you sent a reminder to us that better is one day in the house of the Lord, then thousands elsewhere....and Dad was in that house!!!

Amazing Friends and Family...

I am completely overwhelmed by the incredible amount of love our family has been covered in over the past week.  The prayers, thoughts,e-mail messages, phone calls and messages revealing some of your own stories has helped to carry our family through a difficult time. Just as I'm writing this I got a phone call from our awesome Church that someone is bringing us dinner next week. What a huge blessing to belong to such an incredible body of believers.

We know that many people wait to share their news of pregnancy until the 'critical' period has passed. We have always veered the other way and couldn't wait to spill the news as soon as we knew because we were so excited.  The other reason though that Chad and I have never waited to 'share' is that in case something were to go wrong, like this loss, we knew we could enlist a group of prayer warriors to come before the throne of God on our behalf. Thank you so much for everything~you've blessed us!

Last night as the house was quiet I found it extremely difficult to fall asleep, first of all because I had the most excruciating headache and I couldn't take anything for it, besides the Tylenol that didn't help.  Then the awful anxiety kicked in about being put to sleep for the surgery.  I just kept repeating in my head "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition present your requests to God".  So, as I lay there praying for God to quiet my restless spirit He started sending songs~and I mean He was like a DJ, just kept 'em coming in my head for hours. =)  It was some of the most incredible time I have spent with the Lord. Today, when I went to rest for a bit He just kept doing the same thing.  He has blessed my life with the love of music and used it to speak softly to my soul. I would be praying or thinking of a scripture verse and in an instant some song would come to mind.  It has been an incredible time of worship and praise~right in the middle of my grief and sorrow. 

The procedure went well this morning~praise God!  There were no complications during surgery and we're continuing to pray there will be none during the recovery period. I feel relatively good, except for the lack of sleep. I am so thankful for my husband~he is my rock. I couldn't love anyone more on this Earth. We have been on an incredible journey of mountaintops and valleys together and survived many storms with God at the center of our marriage. I do not thank God enough for the blessing he is both as a husband and a father. I cannot wait to see what the next brush stroke of the picture God is painting looks like!

"No one is like you, O Lord; you are great, and your name is mighty in power."

Jeremiah 10:6