My Favorite Song Of 2011...

This was my theme song for this past year.

This is my favorite song of 2011.....and I'm sure it will continue to be as I begin this year. Maybe it should be my theme song too?!




I have nothing left to do but to wait on Him....so let's see what God's going to do in 2012!


Happy New Year to all my blog readers!!! Thank you for sharing in my life, carrying me in prayer. I'm blessed!

Top Blog Posts Of 2011

Third most popular post


Second most popular post


Most popular post


This has been one of the most difficult years of my life.  It's has been a year when God's fire has refined me. I have learned more about Christ, as well as myself than I ever thought possible.  I have had to dig deep~way down into places I never even knew existed in my soul. 

I have seen the very human side of me, some of you have seen it too. But, in the middle of all of the chaos, turmoil, searching, brokenness, sobbing, somehow I have found God right in the center of it with me. He has given me joy, hope, peace, love in beautiful ways. I see Him all around me, I hear Him speaking through a song.  I see Him when I open my Bible to a page, begin reading and realize the verses that I am reading are exactly what I need to hear.

I cannot imagine living my life without knowing Him, and because I know Him I can live my life for Him.

Merry CHRISTmas

Merry CHRISTmas! May you be blessed as you remember the one and only reason for the season. May it not be just a day in December, but may you live each and every day with Christ as the center of your life. There is absolutely no greater gift that your could have in life than to know Christ as your personal Savior!

Jesus is a life giver and a life changer!!!

Requested Recipes...Snickers Surprise Cookies, Slow Cooker Lasagna, White Chicken Chili

Requested from friends~enjoy!!!
Snickers Surprise Cookies

2 sticks butter (softened)
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1 cup light brown sugar
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
3 1/2 cups all purpose flour (sifted)
1tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 pkg. (13 oz) Snickers miniatures

1. Combine the butter, peanut butter, and sugars using a mixer on a medium to low speed until light and fluffy.
2. Slowly add eggs and vanilla until thoroughly combined. Then mix in flour, salt and baking soda.
3. Cover and chill dough for 2-3 hours.
4. Unwrap all the Snickers minis
5. Remove dough from refrigerator. Divide into 1Tbls. pieces and flatten.
6. Place a Snickers mini in the center of each piece of dough.
7. Form the dough into a ball around the Snickers
8. Place on a greased cookie sheet (I used parchment paper on mine and it worked great) and bake at 300 degrees F for 12-14 minutes.
9. Let cookies cool on baking rack or wax paper.
Optional: Drizzle melted chocolate chips over the top of each cookie

***IMPORTANT*** Hide them away or they will be gone in a blink~especially if I'm around =)

Slow Cooker Lasagna link:
http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/slow-cooker-lasagna-114123.aspx

This was really, really good and pretty easy.  The only change I made is using cottage cheese instead of ricotta because I didn't have that in the house.

White Chicken Chili
2 lbs. diced chicken
48oz jar Great Northern Beans (use juice also)
16oz jar of salsa
8oz Monterey Jack Cheese (I've also used colby jack)
2tsp. Cumin (I skip this...kids don't care for it)
1tsp. Chili Powder
1 1/2 cup Chicken broth

Put all together in a crock pot and cook for 4 hours on high. Add salt, pepper or ground red pepper as desired.

While The Cookie Dough Chills...

I just made a batch of cookie dough for my snicker surprise cookies (a mini snickers baked inside cookie dough) yummy!!! Those are going to tip my scale in the wrong direction because I'm pretty sure I'll have to sample a dozen  few!!

The best part of the cookie is what is in the middle!!!  It gets all soft and gooey when baked.  It has to undergo the heat of the oven to melt the inside.

Oh how often I feel like that cookie!!!  I am baking in the heat, God melting me on the inside. Changing and growing all the time.

I would much rather be the cookie baking in the oven, then the dough just sitting in the bowl in the refrigerator!!

Give It Away

A really old song (from 1990), but a timeless message.

My Prayer Today

I had to laugh the other day as I was listening to my favorite radio station. The DJ was talking about how all these blogs she reads are always showing only the positive~warm fuzzy side of life of the author and how that just wasn't her life at all.  I chuckled because I'm afraid I've become one of 'them'.  I'll sit down to write something that is on my heart to share and end up deleting it because it exposes what goes on inside of me sometimes.  Honestly, I would much rather post a blog entry that encourages someone~but life just doesn't always work that way because sometimes life is just discouraging. Sometimes you just have a really bad day, or like today a really difficult afternoon.

So, here is a non-fuzzy post~sorry if it offends anyone that it's not a wrap yourself up in a cozy warm blanket with a cup of hot chocolate and be encouraged post. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm just completely all alone. People are selfish (yes, I will lump myself into that category~I'm not perfect by any means). They say they care, but they don't. They say they are praying, but they really aren't. They forget about you...even when they are supposed to remember. So, this is what I cried out to God today, because God is indeed the God of my hope, my need. He will never change. I have to believe that. I simply must believe.

God of my hope, God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see.
God of my healing, God of my strength.
God who is always and will forever reign,
God of my everything.

God of my everything.

And when the mountains shake, you are my God. You never change.
And when the earth gives way, you are still God. You never change.

Thankfulness

We had a Thanksgiving service at our Church yesterday that was absolutely incredible. These two videos were shown and both Chad and I had tears flowing down our cheeks as we watched.

Such an amazing reminder for us to give God thanks for all things, in all circumstances. To know just how amazingly blessed we are. As Pastor Gary said~if you are breathing the breath that God gave you for another moment of life you are blessed. Every single second is a gift.

How Could I Ask For More?

There's nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon
Waking to the sunlight, and being cradled my the moon
Catching fireflies at night
Building castles in the sand
Kissing Mama's face goodnight
And holding Daddy's hand

Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more

Running barefoot in the grass
A little hide and go seek
Being so in love, that you can hardly eat
Dancing in the dark, when there's no one else around
Being bundled 'neath the covers, watching snow
Fall to the ground
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more

So many things I thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that I've made along the way

So if there's anything I've learned
From this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going
Simple love will keep you strong
Cause there are questions without answers
Flames that never die
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise

So thank you Lord, oh thank you Lord
How could I ask for more

You Really Must Watch This!

Oh God of the Universe, Creator of all things.  I am humbled and in awe.  No words I could ever write on a page could ever convey how much I adore and love you. 

How Great Are You God.  How GREAT!!! 

To Praise

Faithful

Loving

Friend

Healer

Abba

Counselor

Majestic

Magnificent

Alpha and Omega

Spotless Lamb

Life Giver

Joy Giver

Tear Catcher

Intercessor

Paid My Debt In Full

.....and I belong to Him!!!!!

I lift my hands to believe again, you are my refuge you are my strength. As I pour out my heart these things I remember, you are faithful God forever.

                                                                                                                                                                                





Your Great Name

To Remember

I have been keeping the ultrasound picture of the baby we lost tucked in my Bible for the past few months. I would often come across it, as I had placed it in between the pages of one of my favorite Psalms.  I decided to take the picture and the diaper I received in my OB welcome bag from my Doctor and put a shadow box display together. 

During the time I was working on it God brought a song to mind called Shadowfeet.  I found this video on youtube~couldn't be more fitting for this season in my life.

.....When time and space are through, I'll be found in you.  Then, my faith will become sight!!! Someday, Lord I will get to meet my precious son or daughter.  Until then, hold him or her closely for us!  We love you sweet baby in Heaven.

All of my life, in every season

You are still God, I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship.

Nothing Is Wasted

From the ruins, from the ashes...beauty will rise.
From the wreckage, from the darkness....glory will shine.
GLORY will shine!

Help me to know Lord, that nothing is ever wasted.

Fall Camping At Ludington State Park

Turning 30 Something...

Look how God painted the sky for me on my Birthday!

Blowing out my Birthday candle.
No wish this year.

My present from Chad...now if I actually get
to use them is another issue. I think
my running days may be over.

Even though Lucas got sick and couldn't
share in any of the Birthday celebration, he
still wanted a picture with the Birthday girl.


I was blessed with the love of family and friends today.
A reminder of the precious things God has given me.
My life is not without struggles, more so this past
year of my life than ever before. But I look to
the coming year with hope.
 Turning 37 is a good thing!
 Each day God gives to me is a gift that I do not want to waste.

Oh Lord, help me to live each day joy-filled.
To learn from my mistakes and imperfections.
To know that I have a purpose and my life has a plan,
even when at times I feel like it's all falling apart.

I pray my life glorifies you and that my precious children
will see just how much their Momma loves you.

I want to SHINE for you!!!

I don't know what the future holds~but I know who holds the future!

This Morning

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ~Isaiah 40:28-31~


As I'm reading this during devotions this morning the song starts playing on my mp3 player.....so I'm thinking God clearly intends for me to HEAR Him this morning through word and song!!! Thank you Lord for drawing me in so close to you, it's so good to walk in your presence every single moment of each day.
 
 

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy

I have come that they may have life
and have it to the full.

Guess What I Found?

Remember this post?



Everything Good

This song brought tears to my eyes this morning.  
God is SO incredibly good.  All the time.  I don't have to look very far to see that in all things, each moment of my life He is in complete control. He wraps me up and holds me close. I don't see the big picture, but He does! Oh how glorious that I am able to walk in the shadow of His grace.

You are EVERYTHING GOOD LORD!!

Busted Heart

The first time I heard this song last week I was hooked right from the title.  Busted heart?  Yup, been there. Still there. Will be there again many times as I live my life out on earth, caught up in God's saving grace. I think that many people think Christians live in this bubble where life is perfect, and when it's not we certainly never dare admit it!!  We most certainly better never admit to struggling, questioning, doubting. Being angry, hurt, admitting that we are selfish and flawed.  That we struggle with the enemy every single day.

God's grace is so much bigger than all of that.  ALL. OF. IT.

The Greatness of God is so much bigger than All. Of. Me.

Today was just a weird day. I know I haven't shared many specific details of how things have been since the loss of our baby this Summer.  My body just is having a very hard time healing and getting regulated. There are several issues that are ongoing and the days are beginning to get long.  Of all things I had to go in to the Doctors office for a pregnancy test today. While I knew it would be negative I must admit I did, for a brief moment (ok...several moments) entertain the idea that maybe...just maybe it would be positive?  And wouldn't that be just like God to do something that incredibly huge in my life, because right now I sincerely doubt if we will ever be blessed with another pregnancy. Sometimes my hope just gets lost in all the stuff that cannot seem to be resolved.  Of course Satan saw it as another opportunity to get right into my head, planting thoughts that don't belong there.  Lies. Telling me that I did not deserve to have another baby because I wasn't a good parent to the 5 I already have.  Amazing how sneaky He can be. What he uses and who to try to break me. 

I know that I need to be conformed by God's will and not have my will conform to what I want God to do with my life. If His will is to leave me in this season of being unhealed then I will remain here, because it is for a purpose.  If His will is to leave my womb empty then I will still praise Him for the incredibly good things He has given.   Am I praying differently and believing that He will rescue me, of course!  Will I still struggle and cry, and at times be unsure of the path He's paved before me~you bet.  But I will take my busted heart and still give Him all the glory.

He is worthy, I am not.  Yet he gave His most precious gift~the blood of Jesus so that I may live this life with Him. 

So, in a nutshell that is where I am and what I am struggling with. If you would like to uplift me in prayer that would be awesome!! I have several Doctor's appointments coming up in the next few weeks and hopefully we can get things turned around! Also, I didn't mention this but I am having some physical issues with my hips and am pretty much unable to run. (That is just another thing the devil is using to keep me away from God.) So, if you could pray about that too and hopefully my physical therapy exercises I was given a few years ago will start helping.  Otherwise that will be another appointment to add to the list!!




For King & Country - Busted Heart (Hold On To Me)

Winter has come back again
Feels like the season won't end
My faith is dying tonight
And I won't try to pretend

I've got it all figured out
I don't have any doubts
I've got a busted heart
I need You now
Yeah, I need You now

(Chorus)

Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

I am the wandering son
Your love is never enough
I keep chasing the wind
Instead of chasing Your love

I'm screaming out Your name
Don't let me fall on my face
I've got a busted heart
I'm in need of a change
I'm desperate for grace

Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

Broke Your heart a thousand times
But You've never left my side
You have always been here for me

You never let me go
You never let me go
Don't ever let me go

Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me
Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

Until it comes to an end
Soon this season will end
I'll surrender tonight
You meet me right where I am

The Greatness Of Our God

I'll spend my life to know, I'm far from close to all you are.  The greatness of our God.

No Words To Share

Just letting the words of this song minister to my heart.  It's aching, and the tears oh the tears. 

Deep inside this armor...

Basket Full Of Encouragement

In 1993 while working at the Conference Grounds, I was introduced to warm fuzzies. (Wow...typing that made me realize just how long ago that was and just how OLD I am!!!) 

BEST. THINGS. EVER!!!

That is the Summer I learned what it meant to encourage someone.  Spontaneous, generous and freely given words of encouragement. A few moments taken to edify someone in Christ for the person they are, the work they do, the light they shine. What they mean in my life.

Words have an impact. They can build someone up, or they can tear them down. They can encourage or discourage. Why is it that we are constantly searching for a blessing, instead of being one?

My encouragement basket.
Warm fuzzies I collected over
the years while working at the
Conference Grounds. 

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it. 1 Peter 3:8-9  NLT


Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29  NLT


Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose. Proverbs 18:21 * The Message


May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you,O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14 NLT


The mouth of a good person is a deep, life-giving well, but the mouth of the wicked is a dark cave of abuse. Proverbs 10:11 * The Message


Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT


We must not just please ourselves.  We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord. Romans 15:1-2 NLT


So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up. Romans 14:19 NLT

Don't know how to encourage someone? Sit down, grab a piece of paper (or send an e-mail) and write from your heart. Tell them what they mean/have meant to you. Encourage them in their profession. Encourage them in their families. Encourage them during times of struggle. Encourage them during times of joy.  Pray for them on paper.  Many times I will pray for the words that person needs to hear and the Holy Spirit gives me the words to say.

Don't wait. Pray for God to show you someone that needs encouragement~and then go encourage. You will get blessed!!!

Remind Me Who I Am

I absolutely love the message in this song/video!

If you need a dose of encouragement as to
who you are in Christ you need to watch this!


I am God's beloved and that will be enough.


 ~BELOVED~

dearly loved : dear to the heart

Synonyms:

darling; favored; cherished; fond; precious; special

Conference Grounds Blessings

I am blessed to have grown up camping here.

I am blessed that God grew me over the six Summers I worked here.

I am blessed to be able to share this place with my family.

From Whom All Blessings Flow

God's amazing tapestry
Christian Reformed Conference Grounds
August 2011

Praise God!

Praise God!

Praise God, who saved my soul.

Praise God!

Praise God!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Finding Rest

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:5-8

My favorite place.

Say The Word

Say the Word

Whiteheart

Your face shows the secret, hands by your side,

The wounded bird that’s in your eyes is too broken down to fly,

Say the word. (say the word)

It hurts to hear your silence, to watch you slip away,

I want to wrap my arms around your heart, but I’m lost for what to say,

I could say the word. (say the word, say)

For every word he’s sending will never come back empty,

It’s his love raining down…raining down from the sky,

Say the word,

Say the word,

Say the word.

And when I feel the breakers rolling, pounding in my heart, and I’m afraid that I will wash away in my anger and my doubt, I must say the word. (say the word, say)

For every word he sends us holds the power to save us,

It’s his love raining down…raining down from the sky,

Say the word,

Say the word,

Say the word. (hear him saying…)

Come all you weary, and I’ll give you rest,

I’ll never leave you desolate,

I’m the light of the world, come follow me,

I’m the way and the life, and my truth will set you free.

Say the word,

Say the word.

Say the word,

Say the word,

Won’t you say the word?

Say the word

With Everything

I certainly do not have this life figured out~that's why they call it living by faith. 

I do not understand all of God's ways, but I trust in His will and plan. Even when it hurts and I want Him to stop the sifting.

The prayer of my life is that with everything that I am I will praise the Lord. In good times and bad times, happy and sad, drought or harvest. Times of questions, as well as times of answers. I know I need to work on this, because at some of my weakest moments I really struggle. 

Lord, let no hesitation pass under my feet before I run and leap into your arms. You are majestic, mighty, glorious, loving, and worthy of all my praise.

I could not live one second of my life without you.

Let hope rise, and darkness tremble...

In your Holy light...

~~~JESUS~~~

With everything...

This Song Makes Me Smile

In God's eyes I am a treasure and so are you!!!

Wonder

Wonder

to be filled with admiration, amazement, or awe; marvel 

Wonder of the world~God~you are on display for all to see. For all eternity, with every breath I have I will say so.

All around~in everything.  Every single part of my being.

Above me. Below me. In Front. Behind.

Oh, I can't be silent. I can't be quiet.  For all you have done for me.

You are the most incredible thing in my life and I love you.

What A Promise!

Fail Us Not

Failure doesn’t phase You, worry doesn’t win,
Loss doesn’t leave You afraid to start again,
Our sin doesn’t shock You,
Our shame doesn’t shame You at all

Mistakes do not move You, terror doesn’t tame,
Death doesn’t doom You to life in the grave,
Our suffering doesn’t scare You,
Our secrets won’t surprise You at all

There is nothing above You,
There is nothing beyond You,
There is nothing that You can’t do…
There is no one beside You,
There is no one that’s like You,
There is nothing that You can’t do…

Whatever will come, we’ll rise above,
You fail us not, You fail us not,
No matter the war, our hope is secure,
You fail us not, You fail us not,

You fail us not…

Hatred doesn’t hide You, evil doesn’t ail,
Despair can’t disguise You and tell You that You’ve failed,
Our doubt doesn’t daunt You,
Our darkness won’t defeat You at all

You’re bigger than the battle,
You are bigger than the battle
You are bigger than the battle has ever been

When I'm Empty

Faith will find a way.

The Test Of My Hope

Ever since we lost our baby, I have felt an extreme test of my faith. Bigger than any test I've ever faced....and I have faced HUGE tests over the course of the last several years. If any of you who read my blog go to Wellspring you may have heard PG's sermon on being sifted. Specifically, he asked if Satan still has access to God. The answer to that is yes. Pastor Gary also talked about how if you are growing in Christ that you are going to be sifted.  Let me just say there is some serious sifting going on within me. (This is an incredibly amazing, GOOD thing!)  Thank you Lord for sifting me!!!!

Here I am, 6 weeks after my D & C...still having complications that I just do not understand. I am overwhelmed with uncertainty, frustration, weariness. I want so much to be hopeful and trust fully in my creator that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord.  This morning as I was doing my devotions I had a moment of doubt.... that my faith is not deep enough to see God's power in my circumstances.

Then, as if God picked out the verse himself for me to read this morning:

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. ~Psalm 42:5-6~

I then read the exact same verse in Psalm 42: 11 and Psalm 43: 5! At the same time as I was reading, I was listening to my latest favorite song that talks about having hope in the Lord all the day long. Not being shaken by drought or storm. Waiting on the Lord because He is my refuge. Can you guess what happened next?  Yup....tears. Tears of thankfulness for God's gentle voice whispering to me.


Satan wants to steal my hope. Satan wants to steal my faith. Satan wants to steal my joy. He wants me to FAIL. THE. TEST.

Well, sorry to disappoint you Satan, but my hope, faith, and joy is found, and will always be found in Christ my Savior. I may doubt because I am created imperfect, but you will never win.  Ever!

I have absolutely NO doubts that God is going to heal what needs to be healed and do something amazing in our lives.

Ephesians 3:20

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.



My Friend

I'm not sure if you'll ever even read this. If you do (you know who you are), please know that I love you very much!!!  =)

Hope

Hope

to desire something with confident expectation of its fulfillment

My hope is in you Lord...

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8

I will wait on you...
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20

Blessings

Update

People have been asking about me...sorry I haven't given a "Jenni" update in awhile. =)

As of the last blood test I still had the HCG hormone in my body in a very small amount. It has come down since my last lab~thank you Lord!!

So, hopefully it will just continue to phase itself out of my body, the spotting will stop and we can get on with addressing the other issues I need to address. 

Thank you again for your care, concern, prayers, thoughtfulness for myself and my family. God has taught me much through this time and I am thankful for that.

Great Times!

We had so much fun on our recent BIG Walters family vacation!!!

Lots of fishing, some tubing, paddle boat rides, kayaking, swimming

campfires, movies, great conversations, eating, relaxing....

Good ole' family bonding!

You Never Let Go

Seeds

Today when I was mowing the yard I had to go empty the grass in the field behind our house. This is also the place in the Fall, when we are trimming plants and cleaning out the garden that the 'stuff' all gets dumped.  Today I noticed mixed in with the weeds were several plants growing that must have sprouted from the seeds of all the junk I dumped back there last Fall.

Funny how I just threw all the stuff there and never, ever gave it another thought until today. Why would I, they're dead right?  I've done nothing to cultivate those plants and they have only been watered by God's rain. Yet, there they were growing as strong as ever, some even getting blossoms on them and will probably produce flowers or vegetables.

I had to smile and think how God uses us to plant seeds in people's lives. We 'scatter' seeds by the things we do for one another, by the things we say to one another, by displaying the love of Christ each and every day. The seed you sow into another human heart may change their life. God may take that seed and then use it in a way you will never even be aware of.

It is my heartfelt prayer that the seeds I scatter will have an impact on those around me and God will use me to change the world for Him. 

The Pregnancy That Will Never End

3 + weeks after my D & C, 6 + weeks after we lost the baby I am still having complications from my miscarriage/surgery. My body still thinks I'm pregnant. I still have the HCG hormone floating around in my blood....obviously in much, much smaller amounts then if I were still pregnant. Nonetheless, I have to go back in for another blood test on Friday to see where the levels are at. Please pray that they will come down and that they continue to level out to zero, I really do not want to have to undergo another D & C.

I also have another medical test I need to get done but cannot proceed with that until this issue has been resolved.

It has been an extremely hard few months but I am still clinging to God's hope and HIS timing in all things. Thank you so much for your prayers!!!

Sunglasses, Sweat and What They Hide

Tears....they hide tears.  Did you know that it was possible to actually weep when running?  I didn't either~that is until tonight.

From the first line of the song, the lump formed in my throat and I knew it was all over. So many people need your healing Lord, so many and in so many ways.

By your grace I stand Lord, praying that the healing that is in your hand will be poured out upon the people that I love.

Healing~From the Passion Awakening CD

No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know
Could keep us from Your love
No sickness, no secret, no chain is strong enough
To keep us from Your love
To keep us from Your love

How high, how wide
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, how strong,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands


Our present, our future, our past is in Your hands
We're covered by Your blood
We're covered by Your blood

How high, how wide
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, how strong
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands

In all things, we know that.
We are more than conquerors.
You keep us by your love.
You keep us by your love.

How high, how wide

No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, how strong,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands.

Ludington Summer 2011 Memories

Click 'play' to see pictures from our most recent camping trip. 

This was a fun and very busy vacation. 

While it was nice to get away,

 I was ready to get home again.  Guess my heart just wasn't totally in 'vacation mode'.

 Of course when we got home I was ready to turn around and go back!!  =)

How Amazed I Am

Last night while I was running this song came on my mp3 player...and I continued to hit 'repeat' over and over for the next 4 miles.  =)  Oh God I am so completely amazed by you, in so many ways over the years of my life.  Walking in the deepest valleys or the highest mountaintops~Lord you have completely overwhelmed my heart.

Your glory fills the sky

A great and holy light

Shining like a million stars

I'm amazed by who you are

Lord, we lift you high

Oh God be magnified

You have overwhelmed my heart

I'm amazed by who you are.

Remind Me Who I Am

I'm the one you love.....that will be enough.  I belong to you.

Update

Well, it has been over a week since we found out we lost our precious baby and I had to undergo a D&C. There have been good days and some really hard days over this past week.  Because I have not ever experienced a miscarriage before I am walking through new territory. My emotions are all over the place both because I'm grieving but also because I still have pregnancy hormones flowing through my body.  Those little buggers could be around for weeks yet.

I have had some complications after my surgery.  Leave it to me to be a complicated patient!! All you have to do is read Caleb's birth story to know I just don't do things easy.  Right now I am praying that God will bless my body with healing so that I can keep taking baby steps forward and moving along down the path God has layed out for me.

Thank you for continued prayers!!!

Continuing to trust Him!!!

Hard Day

Today was absolutely awful. I was so, so sad.  Overwhelmed with grief. Every time I turned around this morning I couldn't stop crying.  Adding insult to injury I am having some issues with recovery not going as well as it should. 

I tell you for as strong as I am in my faith and I KNOW God has this all under control...Satan is fighting me every single step.  Guess he just does not get it~he will not win. 

Back in January I posted this song and said singing Hallelujah is a choice. No matter what Lord, I can and I will sing Hallelujah.  I want to run down the road with my arms raised to Jesus singing the words "and though it seems hard, I'm still trusting you Lord".  Thank you Lord for your grace, pouring over me in the middle of my grief. I love you more than anything in life!

5 Years Ago

How much we miss you Dad and Grandpa! We cannot believe that it was 5 years ago your battle with cancer ended and God ushered you into His Kingdom.

I still remember leaving the hospital after Dad passed away, getting into my van, turning it on and this song was playing on the radio:



God you are an AMAZING God!!!!  Even in the very moment of our deepest grief you sent a reminder to us that better is one day in the house of the Lord, then thousands elsewhere....and Dad was in that house!!!

Amazing Friends and Family...

I am completely overwhelmed by the incredible amount of love our family has been covered in over the past week.  The prayers, thoughts,e-mail messages, phone calls and messages revealing some of your own stories has helped to carry our family through a difficult time. Just as I'm writing this I got a phone call from our awesome Church that someone is bringing us dinner next week. What a huge blessing to belong to such an incredible body of believers.

We know that many people wait to share their news of pregnancy until the 'critical' period has passed. We have always veered the other way and couldn't wait to spill the news as soon as we knew because we were so excited.  The other reason though that Chad and I have never waited to 'share' is that in case something were to go wrong, like this loss, we knew we could enlist a group of prayer warriors to come before the throne of God on our behalf. Thank you so much for everything~you've blessed us!

Last night as the house was quiet I found it extremely difficult to fall asleep, first of all because I had the most excruciating headache and I couldn't take anything for it, besides the Tylenol that didn't help.  Then the awful anxiety kicked in about being put to sleep for the surgery.  I just kept repeating in my head "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition present your requests to God".  So, as I lay there praying for God to quiet my restless spirit He started sending songs~and I mean He was like a DJ, just kept 'em coming in my head for hours. =)  It was some of the most incredible time I have spent with the Lord. Today, when I went to rest for a bit He just kept doing the same thing.  He has blessed my life with the love of music and used it to speak softly to my soul. I would be praying or thinking of a scripture verse and in an instant some song would come to mind.  It has been an incredible time of worship and praise~right in the middle of my grief and sorrow. 

The procedure went well this morning~praise God!  There were no complications during surgery and we're continuing to pray there will be none during the recovery period. I feel relatively good, except for the lack of sleep. I am so thankful for my husband~he is my rock. I couldn't love anyone more on this Earth. We have been on an incredible journey of mountaintops and valleys together and survived many storms with God at the center of our marriage. I do not thank God enough for the blessing he is both as a husband and a father. I cannot wait to see what the next brush stroke of the picture God is painting looks like!

"No one is like you, O Lord; you are great, and your name is mighty in power."

Jeremiah 10:6

God's Plans

Let me just start off by saying that our family believes with every ounce of who we are that God's plans far outweigh what our human minds can possibly fathom.  We do not always understand His ways~but trust Him fully to fulfill the purpose He has for each and every one of our lives.

Each day, each moment of our lives is just a brush stroke of the picture He is painting.  How awesome to watch things unfold and see just how God works, through trials and blessings.  Through what He gives and what He takes away.

Our sweet baby is resting in the amazing arms of Jesus tonight.  I went for an ultra-sound this afternoon and the baby did not have a heartbeat.  I am supposed to be 11 weeks + 2 days but the baby only measured 8 weeks.  I am scheduled to have a D & C tomorrow morning at 7:15.  Please pray that there are no complications and that God's hands will be with the Doctor.  The same Doctor that has delivered all 5 of our precious boys will be doing the procedure. I am so thankful for an amazing, Christian Doctor.  We love him more than words could ever say. 

We are very sad that I have miscarried, but we know God is in control of ALL things.  We feel so blessed beyond measure in all things that He has given~and even in the things He has taken away.  We have an amazing hope in God's plan and HE gives us a peace that passes all understanding. 

All of my life,

In every season,

You are still God, I have a reason to sing.

I have a reason to worship.

Our Camping Trip

Pregnancy Update

Just a short note to let people know what has been going on the past few weeks with baby #6.

Went in two Friday's ago for my first prenatal appointment and as part of the exam had an ultrasound done. Doctor didn't see what he was looking for....maybe due to my uterus being posterior. So, went back in today and this time we did see baby but are unsure about a heartbeat. 

So, I have to have a formal ultrasound scan done at the hospital on Thursday. I will be 10 weeks tomorrow so we should have been able to see cardiac activity.  Praying they see a little flutter on Thursday.

Continuing to trust in God's plan.

~~Philippians 4:6-7~~

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Be still...

Grape

Little peanut is the size of a grape this week.  Who knew something the size of a grape could wear you out before you even get out of bed in the morning.

Yup...that's it folks. This is the extent of this blog post because I'm exhausted!!  ;-)

My Child's Heart

Ethan is the oldest of our 5 kiddos, he is just finishing his last year in Elementary school.  He is an all around great kid with a sensitive and caring heart.

I wanted to rescue that heart today.

He is a trumpet player in the band at school, in his second year.  He LOVES his band teacher...our family LOVES his band teacher.  Today Ethan learned some very sad news about his teacher. They were expecting baby # 6 in a few weeks.  This past Friday the students were told that their teacher was at the hospital with his wife because the baby was coming early. Today they learned the baby is now in the arms of Jesus.

Ethan is working through a vast array of feelings and questions.  Please keep the students and more importantly, the family in your prayers if you think of it.  The band director is in charge of all the bands grades 4th-12th.

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones ~ Wes King


One time or another everyone I've known has taken a beating
From these sticks and stones
Well they're words with sharp edges hurled at the heart
By tongues of fire they tear you apart

Sticks and stones
Condescending tones
Bruise the spirit and break the bones
Read these tombstones, cause of death unknown
Words that kill are
Sticks and stones

I must admit my skin is thin
Words like these can make my heart cave in
Well, they'll tear me apart
Make me feel alone
Would you stop throwing these sticks and stones

Sticks and stones and
Condescending tones
Bruise my spirit, and break my bones
Read these tombstones, cause of death unknown
Words that kill are
Sticks and stones

O be careful little mouth what you say

O be careful little mouth what you say

For the Father up above

Is looking down in love

So, be careful little mouth what you say

Oh BaBy!!!!

By now I'm guessing that most of my blog readers know our BIG news....but just in case you don't....

BaBy # 6 is on its way~~sometime in January!!

We are thrilled, excited, and SO thankful to God for this answer to prayer.  A prayer we have prayed for a long time...it has been a journey. 

Thank you Lord, for the waiting room and for saying YES!!!! 

To be continued....when I'm not so tired!!!  (So...maybe in 20 years~HA!!)      =)



Happy Birthday Caleb!!

Cannot believe that Caleb is 2!  He is so much fun, and adored by all of his big brothers.  What JOY he brings to our lives. 

What Would I Do With It?

Like tomorrow was a gift,
And you got eternity,
To think about what you’d do with it.
And what did you do with it?
And what did I do with it?
And what would I do with it?

The City Harmonic

For Whatever It's Worth

You think you know me, but do you?

Just because I do not have a job that I get in a car and drive to does not mean that I do not work.

I realize that in certain people's eyes I am not worth much. I have made no significant impact upon the outside world. The only title I have is 'Mom' and the only payment I receive is the occasional quarter that is found in my washing machine. =) 

Do you know what if feels like when you hear "well, she can do (fill in the blank) all day because she just stays at home. Or how you go on and on about how important your position is, your 'title' and that your company/boss just would never make it without the contribution that you make on a daily basis. Yet, here I am waiting for someone to ask me how I am but that never occurs in the conversation because "well, you are just a stay at home mom".

Do you know what it sounds like when you say to me "well, you must be rich because you don't work" or "you must have so much money, you send your kids to private school".  Let me just be perfectly clear here....we're not rich (financially) by any stretch of the imagination.  We feel the 'pinch' of life every single day. Being a very large family we have to make many, many sacrifices. We try our best with what God has blessed us with and trust Him to provide for us in all areas of our lives. We however are 'rich' in many other ways!!

I am a pretty sensitive person, whether that is fortunate or unfortunate I am unsure. I just really dislike it when people pass judgement on others without even knowing what the other one is going through.  Until you have walked a single step in my shoes, please do not think you know me or what my life is like.

Quite honestly I think if we all took a little more time to get outside of our own little world or try to see what another person's life is really like, I think we'd all be surprised at what we'd find out.

I Still Believe

Sometimes (okay, with me a lot of the time) when there are no words to write there is music that says it all. I have loved this song for many years. Recently, it has become a favorite to listen to while running...and I know that I sing this one out loud for sure!!!  =) 

Yes Lord, oh I still believe!!!  

(If you like this Russ Taff song you may also like this one from an earlier post.)

In Awe

I stand, I stand in awe of you.
I stand, I stand in awe of you.
Holy God, to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of you.

Thank you Jesus for paying the ultimate price for my life.  I love you with all of my heart and soul.

It's Friday...But Sunday Is Coming

A Love That Will Not Let Me Go

I hear you in the quiet whispers of my soul Lord, a love that will not let me go.




Be still and know that I am God....Be Still....

Lift Me Up

Love, love, love this song!!!

God Promises...

to defend you
to rescue you
to deliver you
to come to you
to hear you
to not leave you
to lift you up
to lead you out
to be your Father
to make you a home
to not forget you
to execute true justice for you
to give you food and clothing
to help you
to maintain your cause

Butterflies

I'm Still Yours

If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away.
If you take it all, this life you've given
Still my heart will sing to you.

Blessed Be Your Name

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away~may the name of the Lord be praised. Even when it's hard to say it Lord, blessed be your name. Grieving the loss of a precious child at JJ's preschool.  Very tough day today~HUG your kids and tell them that you love them because you just never know. 

Life is a vapor.



Because Someone Else Needed My Seat...

Tonight we were supposed to enjoy a concert with friends. I was going to get to see some of my favorite Christian music singers like Newsboys, Kutless, Newsong and many others.

I was SUPER excited to worship tonight and sing along with Newsong:




However, God had other plans.

I do not believe in coincidence.

I do not believe that tonight we waited in line for an hour and a half to pay our $10 to get in, only to get up to the front of the arena with a hundred or so people in front of us and have the doors close~sold out. 

I do believe that if we would have been just a little earlier we would have gotten into the concert, but then someone else who needed my seat would not have.

Someone else, who needed to hear the message of the saving grace of Jesus. The life, death and resurrection of God's most precious gift. Someone else would not have possibly been able to make the most important decision of their life.

So, because I KNOW God had plans for that someone else to be in the seat that I thought I was going to be in I will gladly rejoice in missing out on the concert.

Week In Pictures

Caleb snuggling his baby
(which is my old strawberry shortcake doll)
Think he'll get mad if this is on his picture board
for high school graduation?  =)

Caleb's latest thing to do for fun....spice tower

There is a brother under that huge pile of blankets, pillows,
stuffed animals and whatever else they could find.

JJ being goofy in my hat while
 doing his breathing treatment
for pneumonia